I'm drive I can fine osifer
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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