sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
