I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize