you would pick up someone in the library
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
