Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
