Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
