Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I forget how to act sober
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
