He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
