last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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