Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
