You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
