Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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