i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
