All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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