I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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