my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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