if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
