I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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