Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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