I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
