I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize