I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
