I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
