I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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