Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
