my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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