just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
