My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
