I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
