Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
