I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
