Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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