he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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