ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The best revenge is premature balding
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
