Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
