Already got asked if we're dating
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
worst night to have a conscience
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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