Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
