watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
