At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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