real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
