hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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