so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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