i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
