sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
