My sheets look like a crime scene.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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