She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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