I'm really into asian looking animals
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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