Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
