Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Randomize