This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
