Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
