he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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