i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
