Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
