let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
