all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
