Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
