Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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