You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
