last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
