On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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