Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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