It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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