we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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