Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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