Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
