How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
