Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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