ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
