I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
