Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
