You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
