I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize