porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
