No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize