I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
