The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
