Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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