And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
