life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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