WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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