Got a toothbrush?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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