is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
