omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize