im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
