If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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