oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize