Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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