Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
