The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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