i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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