Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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