Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize