i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
