Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
