he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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