So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
