i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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