I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
