Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
