just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
