why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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