The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
