So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
