I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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