I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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