i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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