I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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