I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
