Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
