so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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