I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't turn off my feet"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
