Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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